Cougar Attack 2: the Recourgaring

A few weeks ago, I was at the bar for Karaoke night as is my usual routine now. The Cougar was there again.

She seemed to remember me, because as I turned from the bar to head back to my table, she cut me off.

Maybe if I remain motionless, she won't see me.

"Hi there." she said, her breath reeking of vodka.

Shit.

"You still owe me a dance"

Shit. Shit. Shit.

Ok, don't panic. Think of an escape route. I'm going to break right, and duck between the frat boy and the drunken flirty guy. If she gives chase, the frat boy is too inconsiderate a prick to move out of her way, which would force her into the flirty guy's aggro radius, thus busying her long enough for me to escape.

Yes, I used the concept of aggro radius in real life. Thank you, World of Warcraft.

I brace myself. I coil. I am ready to flee gracefully, like the gazelle. Ok, so hobble along like a penguin is more accurate. But whatever. I was just about to make my move when my path was blocked by another woman.


The same gnawgahyde, reptillian feature. The same scent of desperation, and methol cigarettes wafting up from the too short dress. Another cougar.

Dear god. They're hunting in packs now.

Remain calm. Plan B: Dash left, and into the men's room. They won't follow me there. Hopefully. Maybe.

I turn to make a break for it, and yet another cougar shows.

Dumbass. Didn't you learn anyting from Jurassic Park? The one in front distracts you while the other two attack the flanks. Stupid.

Lead Cougar - Cougar Prime, if you will- looks at me.

"These are my friends.", she says grinning.

About this time, my friend G shows up. I just sort of grabbed him, shoved him into the cluster of cougars, yelled "HE LIKES TO DANCE!" and ran.

I'm not proud of it, and I swear I heard G say something about vowing revenge upon my bloodline, but I saved myself from certain annihilation at the hands of oversexed, horny old women once again.

I think I owe G a round this week.