So, Gene Simmons has a sex tape. Just let that sink in for a moment. Gene Simmons. Sex tape.
Is your brain hurting? Good.
People have been sending me links to sites where I can watch it. I don't want to watch it. I don't even want to fully acknowledge it exists, for thinking of it is to let it in.
I have only the most vague concept of the thing. Much like a young child has only a very vague understanding of death. I know it's out there. I know it's waiting for me to slip up.
I must remain resolute, my friends. For The Video Which Shall Not Be Named is hovering over my head, trying to work it's way in. It's like a mixture of the Sword of Damocles and creeping Lovecraftian madness. If I let it in, i'll never be able to listen to Destroyer again.
And you! Don't you go watching it either. I enjoy the products of all of you peoples' brainmeats, and would hate to see them forever soiled by images of Gene Simmons fucking.
Remember: JUST SAY NO.
Now, a Shannon Tweed sex tape....i'd be all over that. Rawr.
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3 comments:
Thank the gods it's not just me. I was genuinely scared when I first heard about it. Normally the idea of watching other people have sex is yay. Not so much this time. It makes my libido feel like someone is walking over its grave. I...I' feel cold.
Hold me.
This is the first I've heard of it. I presume Shannon Tweed is the other half? If so, I'm torn. I mean... Shannon Tweed. But on the other hand... Gene Simmons. Why must the universe torment me so? Thank God she already posed for Playboy.
Not Ms. Tweed. Some random woman from what I here. Plus Gene. Horrid please don't let it get naked, Gene.
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